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‘Nancy Reed’ tag
How Cars Works
Not many people truly understand what a car actually does. You dear reader, are soon to be one of the lucky few.
With even a halfway decent automobile and a few hundred dollars in gas money any American is at their liberty to enter the drivers seat and demand their iron chariot fuck haphazardly with the rotation of the earth.
The uniformed will tell you that it doesn’t work like that, but they are wrong. A car does not transport you across the earth, what a car does is command the earth to rotate at an advanced rate of speed under your tires, bringing not you to your destination, but your destination to you.
Thinking about it like that really takes the edge of paying $3.50 a gallon.
Recently I joined forces with Nancy Reed, entered my beat to shit Saturn, and commanded the planet under our tries to spin in such a way as to bring us Craig Colorado. The penalties for such a belligerent assault on the laws of physics are of course nothing to sneeze at. One can easily demand their local grocery store or mall be rotated to under their feet as often as they like with little consequence, but when you order America to shift beneath your drag below your tires Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Utah, Wyoming, and Colorado in the space of just two days…bad things start to happen.
Our arrogance has called down upon us a blizzard, which intends to lay down an unseasonable wall of snow and ice between us and our next gig. Once we are out of that maelstrom our fate is a solid week of dodging category five tornado’s and hoping that the universe’s fury for our conceit doesn’t extend so far as to take our lives, or worse, rip our next gig off it’s foundation and put it not in Kansas anymore.
Wish us survival. Here is some of the eye candy we demanded the earth scroll past us as it rolled our proper destination under us.
